I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
