I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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