Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Can you repeat that, but with context?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize