Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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