her vagine was all disorganized.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
