Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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