Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
