How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
How drunk are you?
Completed.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
