'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize