That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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