WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
