so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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