ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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