My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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