she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
