My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
