WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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