Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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