I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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