So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
