my mouth tastes like poor choices
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
