it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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