I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
