im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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