2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
