Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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