so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
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