I think im going to throw up on grandma
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Randomize
