Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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