"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
