even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm at about main and main street
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
