why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
