I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
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