Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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