I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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