Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize