yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
