I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I just googled if crying burns calories
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
