Pappa wants mamma naked
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize