Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
my mouth tastes like poor choices
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
