He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
