I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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