I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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