i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
soo... how was my night?
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
