so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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