Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
