dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
