I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
