guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
3 2 1 whiskey
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize