so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
worst night to have a conscience
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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