at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
