you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
