I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
