AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
