I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
