Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
