im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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