He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
