Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
