she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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