Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize