i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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