I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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