Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
you had me at cake vodka
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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