Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
