im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
