Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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