My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
