Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
