I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
where are you?
Hypothermia
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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