So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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