Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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