I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
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