I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
