one might say we're banned from that church
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
