You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
