why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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