I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
