What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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