I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
