Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Randomize
