the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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