he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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