forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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