If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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