All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
