He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My pussy is not your playground.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
