You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
