i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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