how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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