her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
