i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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