Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
