I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
