Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
