last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Randomize
