I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
