You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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