and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
