Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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