My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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