aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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