they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
