On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Randomize
